Plugging Away at the Guest List – A Daunting Task

Guest lists are hard.

I feel like I’m just saying this with every exclusion:

But with our hopeful venue only being able to fit about 150 people, our countless cuts still haven’t brought us down low enough. We’re honestly at the point where we’re hoping some people can’t make it (and DEFINITELY hoping our +1s don’t actually bring a +1). If we were able to invite everyone on the first draft of our lists, getting them into the reception would look a little bit like this:

For me, cutting the list is actually something I want to do though. I was the one who was all about a destination wedding (Redwood forest!), but Nick said no to that so we could have more family and friends with us. I was never expecting to win that decision anyway.

So now, as my mom and I work towards a guest list, I’m hoping to only invite the family that is actually a part of my life and I see more than once a year. Unfortunately my mom has the whole “Well if you invite this person, you have to invite this other person” going on.

Oh really now?

I am definitely breaking more traditions with the wedding than a normal person, so hearing that I have to invite people really really REALLY irks me. I think she’s starting to avoid those words finally (although not the message).

My mentality towards this guest list is this: Nick and I invited about 90 people to our engagement party, which was a mix of friends and family. These are all the people who are actually important to us. If we could make that list and get away with it, we should have no problem doing the same for our wedding.

A pretty big concern my mom has pointed out when creating our guests lists is the sheer volume of family that I have. I by no means have a big family, I just have a lot. My mom remarried when I was 8, so both her family and my step-family are my core group of people. On my dad’s side, both grandparents are remarried. BUT I’m not actually close to more than a few people on my dad’s side. This give me alone 4 families. Nick on the other hand has a normal family composition with his mom’s family and his dad’s family. Knowing this, is it more fair to split our guest list 50/50 for mine and his, or should it be weighted more like 60/40? Decisions, decisions…

One thing both Nick and I agree on completely is that we would rather have more friends there and less extended-family. We would rather be surrounded by the people who have truly played a role in shaping and sharing our lives. Cutting people to make room for our friends has really pulverized the list…

This mentality is the cause of  our parents headaches. But because we feel so sure about who we want there, we’ve given our moms permission to use any excuse that seems fitting for explaining to anyone questioning why someone wasn’t invited. Tell them the practical answer – that our venue simply isn’t that big and we will only be having a small amount of people. Or tell them the dramatic answer – we don’t know them! We don’t care if our mom’s make us out to be horrible people when explaining, for the exact same reason they aren’t invited in the first place; we never see them.

So, the most recent update we have is that we’re nearly there! We’re getting close, and we’re exhausted


4 thoughts on “Plugging Away at the Guest List – A Daunting Task

  1. This was seriously going to be my next blog topic! The similarities are crazy. The guest list has been a MAJOR source of stress for me. Make a decision, go over the guest list several times, and once you’re done, BE DONE, no exceptions. Hopefully you can get the number where you need it 🙂

  2. We are going through this right now! I feel so bad having to tell people ‘no plus ones’ as a lot of my friends expected one and have rspv’d with partners who were not invited. The other tricky situation is getting the “We and our new born baby will be coming” when you don’t really want kids.


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